It's sexy time!

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Spotted this Borat poster in an underground shopping mall in Kiev.

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Swag

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Kiev, although suck, turned out to be not so bad in terms of Stitch shopping. Outside the official Dizzney stores and of course Dizzyland Paris, we'd never encountered Stitch plushies in Europe before. But, we found these puppies in a video store, and the pencil box was at a newsstand kiosk right outside our hotel.




See? Crazy-ass Russian letters all over the taggie.

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But what's the mileage, Vlad?

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The father of Communism contemplates Porsche's new sport utility vehicle.

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Kiev still sucks

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The guidebooks describe this annoyingly hard to find building as "Gaudi-esque."




tiki travel tip: please try to avoid touring in the middle of a FRICKING BLIZZARD.

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Skulls!

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Detail of a mural inside one of the churches we visited in Kiev. Did we mention Kiev sucks eggs?

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tiki respects your culture

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Did we mention Kiev sucks ass? Thought so, but wanted to end the night (it's 1 am here) on a slightly up note. If you go to Kiev (which we don't recommend, as it sucks ass) the kewl thing to do is go to this big Eastern Orthodox monastery and visit the mummy monks! No, we're serious! The mummy monks are all in a cave, you wander around and see them, and it's just too cool. And, there are people lighting candles and praying over them, and a bunch of dudes who look like Santy Claus wandering around in cassocks.

Now, a couple of things towards respecting their tradition: one is, you gotta walk through the caves carrying a lit candle. Yeah, we know, if you know tiki, a recipe for trouble. ALSO, wimminfolk gotta cover their heads. Now, if you haven't happened to pack your chador, they'll sell ya a cheapie rayon scarf right there at the monastery gift shop (viva, capitalism!). But were like, ok, carrying lit candle plus dodgy artificial and highly flammable fabric wrapped around our head? Think not. So, Mr. Tiki goes, "Why not pull up your hoodie!" Um, 'cause we're wearing our Gama-Go kaiju hoodie, and it looks like a Gozilla head? "You'll be fine!" enthused our bouyant spouse. And, waddya know, no one barked a word of complaint (and we're well used to being yelled at in Slavic countries, tell you what).

Oh, and before anyone asked, we asked Mr. Tiki, and no, there are no werewolf monks. That would be really cool too, although the mummy monks could totally kick their asses.

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The Ukraine is full of suck

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Safely arrived at Dusseldorf. Where there are Intarnets. Well, for a cost.

Ukrainian weasels stole tiki's camera.

Details later, but first, take a look at this nifty nesting doll set we got from a vendor in Kiev. He first claimed, when Mr. Tiki inquired, that he had no Lilo & Stitch, as the movie was "from 1997." Then, when we moved down a couple of booths, to another setup that turned out to be run by the same guy, he started to talk up the value of the set, repeating that it was manufactured in '97, or, if you're counting, 5 years prior to the year the movie Lilo & Stitch actually opened in the United States. He also remarked on the quality of the wood that makes up the set. It was imported from Moscow! He also told us it was a waste of our time to bargain, as we were rich Americans. Well, not with the value of the dollar lately. We accepted his price, as we couldn't pronounce the currency they use in the Ukraine anyway. Hr- something. We think they named it that on purpose.

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