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It must be ... GALACTOR

Since we're about halfway through our 8,476 episodes of the original show, and especially because I've been commenting about it so much, I thought I would post this as a guide for folks who may not have seen Gatchaman in one or more of its many forms, ie, Battle of the Planets, G-Force, Eagle Riders, etc. etc. etc.

THE PLOT OF EVERY SINGLE GATCHAMAN EPISODE EVER

There is mayhem! Like, big mayhem - cities totally burned to the ground and reduced to rubble, millions of people dead.

There is a big, big, BIG creature involved. Like, a mile-long centipede. Or, an 800-foot tall Jesus. (Made of Lava.)

Meanwhile, Berg Katse is reporting to the face dude in the mirror. Mirror Dude tells Berg Katse he's an idiot, because last week he totally fucked up in outsmarting the Science Ninja Team. Berg Katse worries that Mirror Dude is upset with him. Um, after you failed like 60 times? YA THINK?

The Science Ninja Team is standing around at the International Science Organization headquarters, looking cool, or as cool as you can look if you're wearing a tee shirt with a huge 70s-font call sign number on it. They ask Dr. Nambu, about all the destruction: COULD IT BE ... GALACTOR? (This is always a really good guess, as Galactor is the show's only villain. Dr. Nambu vows to examine the data.

Dr. Nambu reports: It was ... GALACTOR! (See?)

There is another attack. There is footage of Berg Katse laughing hysterically. We also get to see his Chief Minion of the Week, dressed in some variation of a Bozo the Clown outfit.

The Science Ninja Team vows to "investigate." If the show is running short, there follows footage of Ryu flying the God Phoenix around for a few hours to pick up the team riding around on their kewl individual vehicles.

The Science Ninja Team discovers that the Really Big Thing is not, in fact, an actual 8,000-lb. bowling ball, nor a 16-story jellyfish, but is, in fact, a mecha! Created by Galactor!

Joe the Condor screams for them to FIRE BIRD MISSILES! He lunges for the single large red button that apparently, arms, aims AND shoots this deadly weapon. (Not terribly good industrial design, me thinks.) This causes much more destruction, but fails to annihilate the enemy.

The Science Ninja Team, or some portion thereof, sneaks aboard the mecha. They kill a ton of minions, in horrible, horrible ways, using traditional ninja weapons of yo-yos, dealie boppers and feathers. Swan Jun is careful to tumble around sufficiently for at least 6 panty flashes. They then kill the Chief Minion of Week. However, Berg Katse makes a last minute escape, often even after a Science Ninja Team member was actually HOLDING HIM IN A HEADLOCK, so for the 80th week, we fail to see what he looks like under his mask.

At this point, Red Impulse and his squadron of combat pilots shows up to save the day. My goodness, Red Impulse, an older man, looks awfully familiar! Eagle Ken wonders why the mysterious combat pilot, Red Impulse seems so awfully familiar? And then Ken wonders why his own father, a combat pilot, disappeared mysteriously 20 years ago, and whether he might still be alive? And then the mysterious combat pilot Red Impulse starts getting all sentimental about Ken for some reason, and, with tears in his eyes, flies off into the sunset. SO MANY MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES!!

So, the team destroys Galactor's secret base. Though, it's not really the secret base. It's more like, a secret base. Because, evidently, Galactor erects kajillion of these secret underground bases stocked with millions of dollars of hardware and infinite minions. It's a hobby, like knitting or something. Plus, they fail to find out where the secret base is located. Due to the whole not catching Katse again for the 100th time thing.

Jinpei accuses Jun of having a crush on Eagle Ken. Jun swats Jinpei. All have a good team laugh, hahahaha!

EDIT:

Here! Unfortunately, this isn't the giant Jesus one. It's the giant Buddha one!!

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( 1 cousin babbled — babble away! )
avalonjones
Jan. 3rd, 2010 10:22 am (UTC)
Once again, A GENIUS IS YOU! Run for President already so I can vote for you!
( 1 cousin babbled — babble away! )

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